Are You Struggling to Stay Healthy?

Oof. I have so much to say about this.

We all struggle to stay healthy, in some shape or form. We all cultivate SOME unhealthy habit. To work for the reclamation of our wellbeing is the journey of a lifetime. Perfection is not what I’m aiming for, especially in this short blog post.

And that is fine. To be human is to be alive. And to be alive is to make mistakes.

But this is a topic that touches so many women that I have to ponder on it. There’s a common scenario, one I’ve known and heard of many times. It goes like this:

You want to have a healthier life. You can feel that your body and soul are craving better habits for yourself. You might even be doing some vision boards, manifestations, meditations, or health challenges.

But it doesn’t stick. The breakthrough doesn’t come.

And whatever is left is a mix of growing frustration, shame, exhaustion, desire for something else, desire to hide and let go, and resilience.

It’s a battle that contains so much nuance that it feels daunting to bring up. But remaining silent about it is what cultivates the culture of shame we’re swimming in when our health and body come up.

I find that there isn’t ONE certain solution to this. Women come from such different walks of life, have such different realities, and such different bodies, that it’s impossible for there to be one solution for all.

But I have seen patterns. And they have helped me on my own journey of wellness, so I want to share my thoughts with you here. I’m 99% sure that at least one of these patterns applies to you, if not a mix of multiple.

Let’s dive in. I hope you’ll find tools and support in the following.

The nervous system

Our body is wired for survival. Priority number one is survival. If the body perceives danger, it will take control to survive.

And with the modern stressors, this happens quite a lot. We are under constant pressure to perform, provide, grow, present… We are pushed beyond our capacities to make ends meet, physically, emotionally, financially, etc. It can feel like there aren’t many safe spaces where we can be ourselves without pressure to perform.

Our body perceives daily stressors and dangers, and chooses to use our energy on surviving rather than on other aspects of our life. The nervous system will actively prevent us from using too much energy on other things, such as working out or cooking a long meal or starting art projects.

The feeling of being constantly tired and wired is a sign that our nervous system is busy acting from our stress response, and that it won’t allow us to move towards habits we want to build up.

So when we can’t keep up with healthy habits, it’s not that we’re lazy or incompetent. It might actually be a decision our body makes for us because our nervous system is struggling to relax and feel safe.

When this is the case, the focus doesn’t need to be on the actual health habits we want to keep, but on cultivating safety in the body.

This will free up space, rather than overload us, and open possibilities for intentional wellbeing. But the habits will come and fill the space there is, so we start by making this space.

Somatic therapy is one of the most powerful tools for this, because it focuses on the sensations of the body, and helps our awareness of our body guide us back to safety. Talk therapy is incredible as well, especially when the triggers to our stress stem from intense parts of our lives.

But there are also a lot of smaller ways one can cultivate safety in the body:

• Meditation and breath

• Slow movements and stretches

• EFT tapping

• Journaling

• Clearing out our email inbox, unsubscribing from newsletters and social media we don’t use

• Sorting our things

• Legs up the wall and just breathe

• Naps

• Etc

The inner resistance

Other than our stress response being constantly activated, there might be other types of resistance to being healthy.

These are usually subconscious. What I find is that, even though there is a strong desire to be healthier, there is a lack of permission to be so. And inner desire does not always equal inner permission.

We sabotage ourselves when we don’t truly permit ourselves to be healthy. And that’s because being healthy is attached to something else. To another meaning.

Perhaps a sense of happiness. Of superiority over other women. Of extreme effort. Of changing our relationships. Of having to own the other things we probably should work on. Of permission to complain about ourselves. Of attention. Of beauty or ugliness. Etc.

In short, whatever happens if we get healthy is not something we give ourselves permission for. It might be that the risks are too high, or that the results are too scary and unfamiliar. But it also might just be some internalized thoughts we’ve never seen or let go of.

It’s the things we think our mother will say if we start eating healthier, for example.

A good way to identify these subconscious thoughts is to journal:

“Could I give myself permission to be healthy?” and be really honest with ourselves there.

“What would it look like for me to be healthier and how does that make me feel?”

The things that come up can help us determine where permission is or isn’t. And then we get to decide if we want to start giving ourselves a different type of permission.

I’ve always thought that actions flow where real desires are. But I have to add that unless there is also permission, there is no action either.

So staying healthy includes giving ourselves permission to be healthy. The focus is placed on finding where there is no true permission, and learning to give it to ourselves.

Addiction and shame

The vicious cycle of addiction and shame is real. And as I’m not a therapist, nor trained in AA programs, there is little I can say about this without suggesting asking for further help.

Addiction is often a soothing or an avoidance mechanism. It comes up as a subconscious way to protect us from pain. But when our conscious mind retakes the lead, the sense of loss of control can give us a profound feeling of shame, which produces even more pain that we want to avoid or soothe.

Multiple unhealthy things in the world have been DESIGNED to provoke addiction. Sugar. Social media. Alcohol. Etc.

These things are great distractions from ourselves, great ways to disconnect from ourselves, and great ways to train our body to have different feelings and sensations. In this, they become the actual struggles against healthy living.

And when addiction is involved, being alone and isolated is the worst thing that can happen to us. It’s not a problem of discipline or of how strong our willpower is. Our inner boundaries are mumbled. We need connection, no matter the type of addiction.

So if an unhealthy habit is an addiction, the focus needs to be on finding community and healthy connection.

The identity warrior

There is a part of us that fights for who we are. That rages and denies the societal expectations placed on a woman, and refuses to bow to ideals that have never been meant for human women.

Some habits and ways of looking are portrayed as healthy when they actually aren’t.

Being thin doesn’t equal being healthy. Being tan doesn’t equal being healthy. Only eating vegetables doesn’t equal being healthy. Working out 5 hours a day doesn’t equal being healthy. Etc.

Your identity warrior might be responding to these.

Some of us aim to build habits because we want to look a certain way. A way that we associate with societal acceptance, with attraction, with success. To be thin is a great example of this.

Some women eat “healthy” and move “healthy” because they want to be thin. This definition of healthy quickly gets twisted, because while eating less and working out more feels like it will get you thinner quicker, it definitely won’t make you healthier, on the contrary.

When our interior motives are for us to change who we are in order to please others, there is a part of us that reacts strongly to it. A raging part of us. One that screams, “I am not good enough as I am?”

This part of us is important. She will not sacrifice her worth for performance, even though we ask this of her.

And sometimes, the inner resistance to healthy habits comes from her, because she can feel that the reason for these habits is not for health… It’s for the rejection of who she is. And she can’t take that.

I have found it incredibly easier to work out and eat better when I do it to feel energized and strong. Or when I do it for my future self, my future pregnancy, my future hormonal cycles. Suddenly, the resistance is way smaller. Because I’m not trying to change myself, but to support myself.

The focus then is to understand WHY we want to adopt healthier habits.

I want to look thin so I can be sexy, or because apparently that’s what I’m supposed to do, or because someone made a nasty comment about my looks… are reasons that might not lead to action.

They are normal thoughts, but they probably won’t inspire you to take action.

Our identity warrior might crave different reasons.

And in the end, if there is no real desire to adopt healthy habits, at least we have gained clarity and a way to own our actions and desires.

Conclusion

I hope one of these 4 things brought some light to why you might be struggling to keep up your healthy habits.

What’s important to remember is that all of these are normal reactions to humanity. Everyone fits in one of these categories, and most people fit in multiple of them, if not all. There is no meaning to these, other than the clarity of data.

I believe clarity leads to freedom. When we are clear on the ways we function, we are free to make decisions that match, and we are free to be our own subjects of our lives. The power is in our hands.

So whether the focus needs to be on cultivating safety in the body, finding out where we are lacking permission to be healthy, finding community, or defining the reason we want to be healthy, there is a place for everyone.

If you are looking for support on one of these areas, don’t hesitate to reach out to audreygerber@spotlessgirl.com.

And in the meantime, stay radiant 🙂