The Curated Morning Routine: How to Create a Morning Routine That Will Stick
How to curate a morning routine that TRULY speaks to you, gets you motivated in the morning, and gets you coming back to it every day.
And my current favorite exercise to accelerate the process (jump to the end to get the exercise).
Oof, that one feels like a real challenge.
I can queen of abandoning new habits after a few days.
But I’ve also come to the undeniable conclusion that habits that don’t stick are simply habits that don’t match.
In this blog, my goal is to share how you can shift from morning routines that never stick, to one that feels like it fits you like a glove, and that gets you coming back to it every morning.
First, let’s cover the basics.
The first hour of the morning is the most important one of the day, and we know this.
Studies show the brain exhibits greater functional connectivity in the mornings
A natural surge of cortisol (the waking hormone) occurs shortly after waking, which creates an optimal state for setting the tone for the day's emotional and cognitive functions
The brain's ability to form new patterns, known as neuroplasticity, peaks in the morning, making it more receptive to positive inputs
After a night's rest, the brain is more alert and focused, and neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin are primed for activation, enhancing mental performance
Hormones are optimized for both physical and mental productivity in the morning
Sleep helps detoxify the brain, leading to improved thought flexibility and mental performance
our body's internal clock, or circadian rhythm, aligns with morning hours, naturally priming the brain for awareness and optimal functioning
The goal-directed regions of the brain function better in the morning, making it an ideal time to build and reinforce good habits.
But we get in our own way, and end up wasting that hour, or creating a vibe that doesn’t match the life we want to create.
One of the reasons we do this is that we are very attached to our identity of “not-a-morning-person” or a “lazy-and-inconsistent person” or even a “not-capable-enough person”.
Our brain has learned to identity with these thoughts, and will find ways to prove ourselves right, such as setting high standards and expectations we know are impossible to fulfill, telling ourselves that unless we are a super woman setting a perfect super woman morning routine, it’s not worth it, or even convincing ourselves that a good woman always takes care of herself last, and so therefore can’t set up a healthy morning routine that gets her going through the day.
The other reason we fail to keep a consistent healthy morning routine is that our brain, soul, and nervous system are already full. There is no room to add another thing into the to-do list. There is no space to create something new. There is no energy left to put on creating new habits and pathways.
And the last reason we don’t stick with these habits, it because we’re not really clear on what it is that we really want. Sure, we have visions and ideas of what a perfect woman looks like, but what is it that YOU want to do during your morning? What would make you feel good and spark your soul on fire?
When we create habits around expectations, we build them on shame. When we build them on desire, the foundations become much much stronger, and easier to uphold (because we WANT to uphold them!).
So, with these in mind, let’s find ways to create a curated morning routine that works for YOU.
Get clear on your options
The greatest thing we can do to ourselves is to get PRESENT with ourselves and our lives. We need to look at the facts before we start making assumptions and inventing fantasies about our morning.
The perfect morning routine for you is based on the present, not the future.
Of course, the future can inspire you… But the present shows you what you need NOW in order to get to that future you want for yourself. Let’s not bypass the present - without it, there is no future.
Be real with yourself - how much time can you actually give yourself in the morning?
What are your current energy levels when you wake up?
What are some things you NEED to do in the morning?
How do you feel when you wake up?
Already with this information, you’ll be able to create a more realistic routine that takes your reality and your needs into consideration.
2. Create space
Are you busy, overwhelmed, tired, stretched beyond your capacity?
Adding anything to your list won’t work, even if you know that it will make you feel better.
Your nervous system perceives any new task as a threat if it is in survival mode. And the many stories we tell ourselves about how horrible and bad we are don’t help to reverse their effect.
So it is a better idea to start by making space. In your mind, in your body, in your physical space.
Unsubscribe from the emails. Declutter your room (perhaps, start your day by decluttering for 10 minutes, instead of meditating). Do one thing from your to-do list. Close the loop.
Just breathing will not be enough to create space in your body. You need to simplify, let go, reduce…
Find ways you can make space, instead of filling it up. Do this until you feel spacious enough to add anything to your routine. Until then, reduce and simplify.
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Note: If you have zero space for a morning routine, try to consider this.
What about setting 20 minutes with no expectations? That is a solid morning routine. No need for anything else. No need for meditation, reading, and all of the nice ideal routines. Just space. That will do more for your well-being than any of them combined.
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3. Clarify your desires
When you look at your ideal morning routine, how much of it comes from the expectation you have on yourself to be perfect - vs the desire to create a better life for yourself?
I promise, if you tell yourself that there is something you HAVE to do, you will do everything in your power to resist it. Especially if you’re not fully convinced or agree with the expectation.
Thinking you NEED to spend some time with God, or meditate, or stretch in the morning because that’s what a good girl does WILL NOT WORK. First, because you might not always think of yourself as a good girl, but also because you’re not fully convinced that is true. And I’m happy about that. Because it’s not.
Not doing these things won’t make you a bad girl, just as doing them won’t make you a good girl.
You’ve integrated an expectation that’s not aligned with the reality or with your desires. And trying to manipulate yourself to think differently won’t work either.
This is the most challenging part of this exercise: get real about what is it you TRULY want. Beyond the things you think you should do. Beyond the things you’ll think other people will judge you for.
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And when you have a list, here’s a way to push this to the next level:
Connect with your desires in a unconventional way.
Once you’ve been real with yourself and have a list of things you truly want to have/feel/do during your first hour of the day, see if you can connect with these in unconventional ways.
Connecting to the Divine doesn’t need to be done with a journal and a candle. Meditation doesn’t need to be done from a yoga mat with burning incense.
The more you think outside the box, the more you’re freeing yourself from your silent expectations.
Have you ever considered naked stretching? Or wearing red lipstick?
Could you consider praying while laying in the grass?
What about washing your face veeeeery slowly and practice your breath and your presence?
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The goal is to create your morning routines AROUND your desires. And we get to connect with our desires in spaces of play and exploration.
What you want to feel and experience, make a routine around that.
Allow yourself the space to change, to play, and to move things around. Again, this is about play.
My Morning Routine Exercise
I’ve come to be a strong believer that your routines need to serve you, not the opposite. And that means that they won’t always need to be the same. This is why I do this exercise once in a while to make sure my morning routine still serves me well.
I create 4 different morning routines, and every morning, I ask myself what supports me the best. Each of the 4 routines speaks to a specific need.
Here are examples of categories you could create your routines around:
The menstrual cycle - one routine for your period week, one for your follicular, one for your ovulation, one for your luteal.
Your physical capacity - one for when you feel good/energized, one if you feel overwhelmed/stressed, one if you feel burned out/exhausted, one if you feel stuck/avoidant.
Your emotional needs - one for when you need to feel brave, one for when you need to feel relaxed, one for when you need to feel connected, one for when you need to feel excited
Your archetypes, the seasons of the year, the dreams you’re creating, the needs of your day, the hobbies you have, etc.
Move through the different routines by asking yourself, every morning, what would feel most supportive.
When the first thing you ask yourself is: what is it that I need this morning? And if you curate your morning to answer those needs, you will find yourself ahead of the curve. You will have trained yourself to listen to your needs and have strengthened your self-trust.
